2872

The total number of Uber and Lyft rides I gave before I found a job.

I Earned the chance to press a restart button on my life

I started on Oct. 28. as a Game Programmer for a small games studio in Alabama. I'm on a 30-90 day trial period working from home before I get a full-er time offer.

It's been a unique journey

After college at age 23, I instantly entered the top 20% of earners in the USA by way of accidentally knowing someone important. I had 0 qualifications for this job and didn't realize that this just doesn't happen to anybody in this country, ever. I also accidentally met a family at a bar a couple weeks later that had an extra room in a house to rent for less then double the amount it would cost if they listed it on the market. This literally unheard of combo probably would have let me retire before I turned 30.

I took it all for granted

I took the first job for granted because I was young and naive and was dealing with mental health issues that I did nothing about. After I quit the first job, I then joined another that kept me in the top 20% but gave me nothing to do for 3 months straight. It was a strange kind of mental torture that you feel ignorant about calling "torture" because you are getting paid well to essentially play Pokemon on your iPhone while 48% of the country won't ever reach this salary.

I quit the second job

I quit that job after 3 months. It was a job where I would practice what I would say down to the syllable when I quit everyday on the way to and the way back from work. That job promised me this and this and that but actually gave me nothing. I was frustrated and everything was unhealthily bubbling up inside me ready to burst.

Lost ambition

In college, I was ambitious, creative and a great programmer, yet my internship netted me an IT help desk position - sitting there not using any of my vAlUaBlE sKiLlS, mostly doing nothing. My first job - sitting there not using any of my vAlUaBlE sKiLlS, mostly doing nothing. My second job - sitting there not using any of my vAlUaBlE sKiLlS, actually doing nothing. My girlfriend of 5 years and I decided to split up. I was silently mad at everything around me and especially mad at myself.

Downward spiral

After I quit the second job, I tried to make the music thing happen again, but reallllly put all my effort into it. Yeah, it didn't work. Not even close. I started staying up all night making music, I drank, I smoked, I spray painted my walls and wore bad outfits. I was confused and angry and had no idea what I was going to do. I was suicidal.

(Breaking down a 4th wall or something here....That ^ is amazingly difficult to write in reflection of your past self and I feel as though by saying it, I have forever moved on from that point in my life.)

Existentiality

I freaked out. Really - I had a mental break which I now view as a sudden onset existential crises. Who do you talk to about that when you're unemployed? A therapist? No, you're not making any money and that shit is expensive. Your friends? No - they have jobs and just laugh and say "you're crazy, it'll all work out, man". Your dad? Hell no.

Roadtrip

I bought an SUV with the last of my corporate money and fitted it with a bed and shelves. I packed up most of my gear one day and just...left. I ended up going around the entire country. Insane that the trip has been reduced to a memory. You can read more about that in another one of my posts here.

...anyways...

I feel strange?

I guess the reality of this hasn't really hit me yet - I've been working for 3 weeks now. I guess because the grind really isn't over until I sign a full time offer with benefits after this trial period. I kind of just feel the same tbh - I was and still am at the stage of "It is what it is, I have found peace in my current way of living, don't fight yourself or it makes it worse. Only ask from the universe the amount you give."

also I should have a followup article to this one fairly soon...